people. PLEASE
don’t buy anyone a drink at the bar unless you can do so in a calm, collected manner. What is a clam, collected manner, you ask? I’ll tell you what it’s fucking NOT. “Hey. HEY. bartender. can you- can you- put that on my tab.” “oh no paul, i got it, i got it-” “no, don’t listen to him. here- take- take my card. just-you know what? buy everyone- get them another round. on my tab. put it on my tab.” “well- well okay, jim. i got the next round. put that on my tab, okay shannon? okay? don’t let him- here. my tab. take my card.” 5 rounds later, nobody has any clue who bought what for whom, including the buyer, the buyee, and the bartender. THIS IS NOT ANY BETTER THAN GETTING SEPARATE CHECKS. You lose extra points when you’re having a goddamn arm-wrestling match to try to see who can hand me a credit card first. Then I’m standing there awkwardly trying to give a fuck as the service bar frantically prints checks behind me, the kitchen starts screaming that my food’s up, and my other customers who aren’t behaving like children try to catch my eye. Thanks a whole lot.
Buying your friends drinks is a simple task, really. Just make eye contact with the bartender, and slip him or her your credit card. Then when you’re ready for the bill, motion for your check. THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO. Balling out and buying everyone drinks sort of loses its appeal when you’re waving your fucking credit card around announcing to everyone that this round’s on you. I honestly believe that a good 75% of the time people only do this so they get the fucking attention and gratitude that comes with the gesture. It is much more impressive and James Bondesque when you quietly hand over your card without anyone in your party noticing. Bam! You just bought everyone a lovely evening out, and you didn’t look like a frat boy while doing so.
You’re welcome.
Love, your bartender
